


Fix You

by omegaling



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), This Is Where I Leave You (2014)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, And Unkar Plutt's still a bastard, F/M, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Mentions Past Abuse, Mild slut shaming but it will go away later, My family's screwed up but it's still my family, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Abuse, Phillip's an idiot, Rey's insecure, They got a lot to work out
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-29
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-08-27 19:09:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8413267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/omegaling/pseuds/omegaling
Summary: The first time he saw Rey since high school was on the second day of sitting shiva.  There was grease under her fingernails and scars on her knuckles, and then she was gone again, a ghost who wanted to haunt her space in the afterlife in peace.For once in his life, Phillip Altman put aside all thoughts of himself and instead started thinking of how he could fix her.  How he could fix them.





	1. Fire and Regeneration

**Author's Note:**

> God help me, I named a fanfic after a Coldplay song. It’s like the early 2000s all over again.
> 
> This story is more or less an experiment for me as I’m forcing myself to step out of my comfort zone with some of the issues I intend to tackle. I’ve never really written “problematic” characters or situations before - everything I’ve done up until now is fairly vanilla, mostly because I’m such a non-confrontational person in real life - so this will be a good workout to try to move beyond that and write something a little more compelling emotional-wise.
> 
> The events of this story are a combination of the movie and the book version of _This is Where I Leave You_. Most of the characters that Phillip and his family interact with during Shiva are directly from the book. Grant it mine (and to clear things up early, not a modern-day reinterpretation of Unkar Plutt. That bastard's got his own role later on).
> 
> The warnings about drug use and sexual assault **_do not and will never_** apply to Rey and Phillip's interactions, just to be perfectly clear that up right off the bat. It involves other characters later on in the story.

**Chapter One: Fire and Regeneration**

The first time Phillip saw Rey since high school was on the second day or sitting shiva.

Until the moment she crashed back into his life Phillip felt like he was living a real life sitcom.  All of the key elements were there: the main cast, brought together by a common purpose with all their emotional baggage in tow,; the unending bickering between family members every time someone opened their mouth; the constant parade of ridiculous supporting characters, all with their own quirks, the latest being perverted old Mr. Applebaum and his very open appreciation of Hilary Altman’s gravity-defying cleavage.  Phillip managed to keep himself entertained in between those shenanigans with his fabricated post-high school adventures, but that was now quickly losing its novelty.  He was also getting tired of all the judgemental looks Tracy kept shooting him every time she heard him talking about hiking in the Alps, or when he pulled a whole family from a burning van on the side of a freeway.  Well, it wasn’t his fault that all these people were stupid enough to believe his stories.  Or maybe he should actually start introducing her to them and be truthful about telling these people what he’d actually been doing with his time (the tempting but inappropriate answer being the woman he just introduced them to) and actually act like an adult for once.

Then Chelsea, Kelly, and Janelle came sweeping into the room, and all intentions of being a responsible adult fled his head like rats jumping ship, taking all thoughts and concerns about Tracy with them.

It was amazing how quickly they fell back into old habits: the casual flirting, the subtle messages sent through gestures and light touches, discreetly scanning the scene for a means of escape to find a place that was much more...private.  It wasn’t until Tracy came back into the room and practically draped herself over him that Phillip remembered with an inward groan:  _ Oh, that’s right.  I’m not single anymore. _

As Tracy and the girls fell into a cycle of awkward pleasantries, Phillip became aware of a strange shift in the low murmur of conversation from the other mourners, spreading through the front room like ripples in a pond.   _ As if a million voices cried out at once, and were suddenly silenced _ , Phillip recited absent-mindedly as he sought said disturbance in the Force.

It did not take long to locate.  Grant York looked very much out of place in the Altman living room in his cracked leather jacket, which was even more off-set by his ill-fitted and faded button-up shirt (with two of said buttons missing).  The sight of him suddenly brought to mind every rumor about the man spread at school, many of which were started by Phillip and his shithead friends; that Grant York wasn’t his real name because he was on the run from the FBI for running a car theft ring; that he fed trespassers to his giant rottweilers who guarded the junkyard; that he killed his whole family by slowly poisoning them with antifreeze and it was only a matter of time before his wife was next.  Seven years changes a lot in one’s life perspective, though, and now the sinister figure of Phillip’s childhood and teenage years was only an old man with a sheen of sweat on his bald head and a pair of impressive jowls concealing his cinderblock jaw.  Phillip was almost disappointed.

Grant hovered at the perimeter of the living room, inching forward only when he deemed it was safe to move, occasionally wiping sweat from his gleaming dome and pulling at the collar synching his thick neck.  Phillip’s curiosity was genuinely piqued.  As far as he knew, his parents never spoke to the Yorks.  They lived on the other side of town near the pick-and-pill and garage they owned, a place that was so far removed from Knob’s End’s side of Elmsbrook that the people who lived there might as well come from another country with its own language and culture.  He never imagined any scenario where his mother and Grant would be in the same room.  It was evident that everyone else present thought the same thing, especially since many of them were also openly speculating about the reason for him calling at shiva.

The big man reached up to tug at his collar again, but this time he was stopped when the person standing beside him reached out to put a hand on his arm and push it back down.  Phillip had been so preoccupied on trying to figure out the purpose for Grant coming to shiva that he hadn’t noticed that he didn’t come alone until now.  Phillip tilted his head, the whole of his intrigue suddenly shifting to the young woman standing next to Grant York.  She wore an olive-green sundress that showed off her deliciously toned calves and arms, her skin varying shades of tan based on how much sun each area got; it was the type of coloration one got from actually working in the sun, not from lying on a tanning bed.  Her dark brunette hair was swept into a knot in the back of her head, a few feathery tendrils escaping to flutter around her ears and the nape of her neck.  Phillip always found it particularly tantalizing when a woman’s hair did that, just begging to be swept back in place.

A seat opened up in front of the shiva chairs and Grant made his move, maneuvering his considerable girth across the room with as much ease as he could muster.  When he reached the line of low shiva chairs Hilary gave him her widow’s smile and surprised them all by standing up and letting him pull her into a hug, which she reciprocated with more warmth than she did with half the people who had already came to pay their respects.  His ancient leather jacket clashed weirdly with her new Ralph Lauren dress.  They pulled apart and sat down, having a conversation that was far more private than any that had come before.

“Is that...the guy from the pick and pull at the end of town?” Wendy asked, squinting her eyes as though it would help better determine his identity.

“Grant York, yeah,” Phillip affirmed. “I didn’t realize he and Mom knew each other.”

“Not surprising, considering how scarce you all managed to make yourselves over the last few years,” Paul said snidely.  “Annette York and Dad were in a cancer support group at the senior center together, and he and Grant hit it off immediately after they met.  She died last year, but Dad stayed in touch with him as long as he could before he got too sick himself.”

_ Who would have thought, _ Phillip mused.   _ I wonder what other surprises lay in store for us for the next five and a half days. _

“Oh.  M’god.  Is that who I think it is?”

It was Chelsea who spoke first, and Kelly and Janelle swung around as though they were one entity to join in on the gawking.  Phillip realized that they were also looking at the mystery girl in the green dress.  She had not moved from her spot by the arch between the living room and the entryway, but she had turned around just enough for him to finally see a small portion of her face.

Phillip felt his heart stutter, like an engine ready to cut out.

_ Rey _ .

It was that instant of both recognizing and not recognizing someone at the same time.  Her features as he remembered them were overall the same, but reshaped and redefined by time and maturity.  Her face had filled out, eliminating the former pinched, hungered look she always had and now making it achingly sweet instead, especially when framed by those wisps of dark hair.

Her eyes were exactly as he remembered them.

He was staring at her, his mouth hanging open stupidly.  The girls noticed.  Tracy noticed.  His siblings noticed.  But he didn’t care.  Because it was Rey.   _ Rey _ , whom he hadn’t seen since those final days their senior year, tears streaming down her face as she threw those awful words at him.   _ Rey, _ whom no one saw after she busted Teedo’s nose and knocked out half his teeth.  Her foster dad didn’t know where she was.  The cops couldn’t find her.  Rumors flew for a short while, but they were only days away from graduation, and so no one could be bothered thinking about the weird, skinny girl with the too-big clothing for too long.

Not even him.

But now she was here, and she was grown up, and she was  _ beautiful _ .

He wondered if he maybe said that last part out loud, because Rey’s turned her head in his direction as soon as the thought entered his mind.  Their eyes connected, and the air between them seemed to disappear.  Phillip’s palms suddenly turned slick with sweat as he realized he had no idea what was going to happen next.  Should he go to her?  He was the one in mourning, so didn’t that mean she was supposed to approach him and offer her condolences?  But after that short exchange of the expected empty “what-have-you-been-up-to’s,” then what?  He didn’t want it to end there, but he didn’t want to know that there was nothing else to talk about after that.  Before their big blow-out in front of the school the last time he saw her had only been fleeting glances in the hallway, always cut off abruptly by Chelsea pulling him away, or pulling him down for a sloppy, oftentimes uncomfortable kiss.  None of those were exactly memories he cared to be brought back up, not after not seeing her for so long.

His dilemma was quickly solved for him.  Once the initial shock wore off, Rey’s hazel eyes narrowed, her lips compressed in a thin line, and she left their living room so fast that Phillip was left wondering if she had ever been there at all.

“Wasn’t she in in jail or something?  I thought I heard she was in jail,” Janelle suddenly piped up, tossing her hair over her shoulder.

“She should be after what she did to Teedo,” Chelsea sniffed, “considering she almost killed him and junk.”

“Didn’t he have to get a metal plate in his head after?” Kelly added, sounding desperate to add her own tidbit into the gossip.

“She broke his nose and knocked his front teeth out.  It probably wasn’t anything the little creep didn’t already deserve, so stop being so dramatic,” Phillip snapped with slightly more vehemence than he meant.  All three girls whipped back around to stare at him, looking genuinely shocked that he had come to Rey’s defense.  Chelsea looked especially venomous.  He knew that look well; it was the one she used whenever any other girl got within two feet of them while they were together, even for something as harmless as saying “hi” or asking for his lighter when he and his friends would regularly ditch third period to smoke.  She especially liked to use that look on Rey, and he was sure it was that look that always kept him from falling fully in love with her.

A hand landed on Phillip’s shoulder and he nearly jumped out of his skin.  It was Tracy, whom he nearly forgot was even there at all.  Though her expression would have been interpreted as being neutral to anyone else looking at them, he knew better; she would be expecting an explanation later.  Suddenly the room felt too hot, too crowded.  His mind was a whirlwind of what he needed to do next - he should go after Rey, he should talk to Grant about her, he needed to tell everyone to fuck off for a change - but in the end he was only able to excuse himself, saying he must have eaten some bad lox at breakfast, and beat a hasty retreat to the downstairs bathroom.  He locked the door behind him and leaned heavily on the sink, trying to get his breathing under control and feeling like he was hopelessly  ensnared in a fisherman’s net, tangled between his high school girlfriend, his current girlfriend who was near twenty years his senior, and the girl that got away.

* * *

 

They day dragged on.  Grant was gone by the time he emerged from the bathroom, and the girls finally left with the promise of doing something “fun” while he was still in town (“You look like you could use it,” Chelsea had said with a pointed look in Tracy’s direction as she ran a hand down his chest, manicured fingernails catching on the buttons of his shirt).  Usually those types of implications would fill his mind with all kind of tempting possibilities that would leave him half-hard for the rest of the day, but not now.  All he could think about now was Rey, and when that became too overwhelming, he thought about the earliest he could get out of this house and get himself a much-needed drink.

It was actually Paul who made the suggestion about making a break for it first, and Phillip, Judd, and Wendy all jumped at the opportunity.  Phillip managed to forget about all the troubling thoughts that plagued him since that morning as he bought the first round of shots, including one for Penny who came to join them and who so obviously still had the hots to Judd (at least one of them had the chance of getting laid tonight).  

But what should have been an evening of sibling bonding was cut short when Paul’s phone rang and a very panicked Annie begged him to come home so they could try getting knocked up again.  Everything might have still ended on a positive note expect that Phillip, as always, could not pass up the opportunity to needle at Paul one most time (it wasn’t his problem that his oldest brother could never take a goddamn joke).  Wendy left the bar in a huff soon after, and whatever camaraderie had been established between the Altman siblings not even fifteen minutes ago crumbled away like a sandcastle in the surf, leaving Phillip, Jedd, and Wendy to stare awkwardly at each other.

Penny, bless her, tried to do her best to save the evening.  “At least you have each other no matter what and I think that’s great.  I’m an only child, so…”

“That sounds good!  Does that not sound good?” Judd said, sounding at that moment like nothing in the world sounded better.

“Okay, Penny, your car’s good to go.”

The three people at the table all looked toward the new voice simultaneously, each thankful for the break in the tension for their own reasons, but Phillip’s heart was the only one that somersaulted behind his ribs.

Rey stood beside Penny’s chair.  She had traded her green dress for a worn but well-fitted band shirt and a pair of equally worn but well-fitted jeans.  Her hair was still swept up into its bun at the back of her head, though most of it managed to escape its confines and unravel since that afternoon.  When she extended her hand, clasped around a sizable set of keys, he noticed that there was grease under her fingernails and scars on her knuckles, and he wondered which one of them was from when she broke Teedo’s nose.

“You’re a lifesaver, Rey!” Penny exclaimed as she took the proffered keys.  “What was wrong with it?” Her expression suddenly turned worried and embarrassed.  “Oh shit, I didn’t put water in the oil tank again, did I?  That would just fucking figure.”  She cast a sheepish look at Judd out of the corner of her eye.

“No, nothing so traumatic..  Your spark plug was just going out is all.  I had an extra one in the shop so I just swapped them out.”

“Jesus Rey, you’re the best, you know that?” Penny beamed up at her.  “How much do I owe you?”

Rey waved a hand, as if brushing Penny’s words away.  “Don’t worry about it.  We literally get them for a dime a dozen.”

“Well, at least let me get you a drink!” Penny said as she pulled over Paul’s vacant chair.  “What’s your poison?”

A second of indecision flickered in Rey’s eyes, and it was in that second that Phillip got his voice back.

“Rey.”

Her whole countenance changed in an instant.  Her shoulders and back tensed like a spring-trap being set, and the small smile on her mouth and in her eyes while she was talking to Penny instantly fled, her expression snapping shut.  Within the space of a heartbeat she had engaged the same high-security lockdown mode he sadly became to accustomed to seeing during their senior year.  It made Phillip’s chest ache uncomfortably.

Judd and Penny seemed to sense the change too.  They exchanged a questioning look between them, but said nothing.

He saw her shoulders rise as she took a deep breath, then straightened, stiff as a board, before she finally looked at him.  “Oh… Hey, Phil,” she said in a voice that was as guarded as her expression, making the air around her crystallize even more.

“Uh...long time no see,” he offered cautiously.  The increasing awkwardness was not lost on Judd - since when did Phillip, the Altman family playboy, lose his charm and cool charisma around a pretty girl? - but Penny completely misinterpreted the situation.

“Oh!  You two know each other?” she chimed in brightly.

“We went to high school together,” Phillip said, right as Rey responded with a terse, “you could say that.”

“Well, great!” Penny exclaimed, still ignorant of the new spike of tension coming from Rey.  “Rey, do you know Phillip’s brother, Judd?  We went to high school together too and just ran into each other yesterday for the first time in years.  Hey, since we’ve been playing catch up, why don’t you join us?  It will be like a big...catching-up party, or something.”

“Actually,” Rey said before anyone else could get a word in otherwise, “I should get going.  I didn’t close up the shop properly so I need to do that before it gets too late.  Let me know if your car starts acting up again.  It was...uh, good to see everyone.”

It wasn’t until she started walking away that Phillip finally snapped out of his daze.  By the time he was on his feet Rey was halfway across the bar, and by the time he was halfway across the bar she was already out the door.  When he at last reached the door, nearly smashing in some poor bastard’s face in his haste to get outside, Rey had already vanished into Elmsbrook’s meager midweek nightlife.  Gone again, just like before; a ghost who wanted to haunt her space in the afterlife in peace.

Disgruntled, deflated, Phillip slunk back into the bar.  He downed another five or eight shots before Judd cut him off and Penny offered to drive them home.

Back at his mother’s house, Phillip stumbled back into the pull-out bed he shared with Tracy.  She said something about him upsetting Paul and drinking too much.  He said something back, and although he couldn’t remember what it was, it was enough to earn him the title “irredeemable asshole” the next morning.


	2. This Town

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Yesterday I thought I saw your shadow running round,  
> It's funny how things never change in this old town."
> 
> Naill Horan, _"This Town"_

The next morning, Phillip sat in the Porsche after unceremoniously dumping Judd off at the ice rink.  He took off his sunglasses despite the hangover headache throbbing behind his eyes, trying to convince himself to stay put.  He didn’t know what would happen if he didn’t take his own advice; all he knew was that most likely lead to more problems with Tracy.  He was already on dangerously thin ice with her; it would only take one more straw before it all broke beneath him.  Or was that a straw on a horse’s back?  He couldn’t remember.  The damn hangover was muddling his thoughts, which was made even worse by his frustration from not only that morning’s fight with her, but from the rest of his family ganging up on him afterwards.  He had thought that introducing Tracy to them would help save their relationship, which had been unraveling for some weeks now.  Apparently he had been wrong; things were only getting worse.

_ Wrong.  Wrong again.  Like everything else. _

Well, it wasn’t his fault that Chelsea came by to pay her respects.  Sure, he knew she was still in the area - he spent enough time flirting with her over Facebook and Snapchat to not know what she was up to - so her showing up to shiva wasn’t _ that  _ big of a surprise.  Besides, it’s not like he made specific plans to hook up with her while he was here, so that had to count for something, right?  The same went for Kelly.  And Janelle.  Plus whoever else might show up between now and this hell known as shiva would come to an end.

But Rey.

He hadn’t expected Rey, not in a million years.

Phillip let his head fall back against the leather seat.  Seeing her not once, but twice in the same day after not seeing hide nor hair of her after seven years had been jarring to say the least.  After everything that happened at the end of high school he had pretty much resigned himself to the fact that he’d never see her again.  He had tried to apologize to her, right until the very end, but she had always been so damn  _ stubborn _ that she wouldn’t even listen to him.  For months afterwards he had successfully convinced himself that he had done all he could, and if she didn’t want to make amends, then fine, that was all on her.  Then college had started - or, more accurately, two years of frat parties, smoking weed, and sleeping with so many girls that their faces and features all became one indistinguishable blur, with a smattering of classes here and there - and Rey gradually faded from his memory.

_ Except for the times she didn’t.  There were nights when he’d find himself lying awake while the girl whose name he already forgotten snored next to him, suddenly remembering the late summer evenings reclining on the hood of his car, making up ridiculously raunchy stories about the star constellations while fireflies danced in the long grass around them.  Snowball wars that would last for weeks before one of them finally called for a truce.  Sneaking out of the house at eleven o’clock on a school night to meet her in that parking lot of Reggie’s Diner on the edge of town because she couldn’t stand to be in Unkar Plutt’s house another minute longer. _

Then he would be up for the rest of the night, thinking about her, wondering if she was okay.  Every so often he contemplated getting in contact with her again, but she seemed to avoid all forms of social media entirely.  When he dared to ask people from high school if they heard anything about her or if they happened to know where she was, everyone acted like they didn’t know who he was talking about.  It got to the point where he started to wonder if Rey had even been real at all.

Then suddenly she was  _ back _ , out of the blue, and it was like an explosion had taken place in the middle of his life, leaving him dazed and disoriented.  He even felt like his ears were ringing.

Of course, that could just be the hangover.

Phillip’s thoughts were interrupted by a deep growl, like the purring of a monstrous cat, that reverberated up from the street, making the whole Porsche vibrate.  He cracked an eye open just in time to see a classic muscle car amble by to park on the opposite side of the street.  Its sleek, shining body was painted autumn orange with black racing stripes starting at the hood and ran down the length of the car.  Phillip didn’t harbor much love for classic cars - he preferred the modern look of Audis, BMWs and, of course, Porches - but even he couldn’t deny that the car was gorgeous.  Even though he was certain he’d never seen it before, there was something about it that tickled the back of his memory.  The closest thing he could think of was an old car someone from high school used to drive, though that one was a beat-up ugly thing with only the last traces of the original paint job clinging to it.  What did they used to call that car?  Oh yeah, The Beast.  Driven by… Poe, wasn’t it?  That’s right: Poe Dameron.  Good guy, though not someone Phillip would have hung out with on a regular basis.  Didn’t he go into the Air Force after graduation?  He was about the wonder what Dameron was up to now when the driver’s side door opened and its owner swung out.  Phillip laughed in spite of himself.   _ Speak of the fucking devil. _

Phillip couldn’t decide how close Poe looked to how he remembered him from high school - Poe had graduated a year ahead of him, and he hadn’t seen him since before he left for the military - but all of the important features were still there: the thick dark hair, copper skin, square jawline, and the smooth confidence of someone who already had worked out his place in the world.  By all accounts he was one of those guys whom Phillip should have hated on principle, but one indisputable fact about Poe Dameron was that it was simply impossible for anyone to hate him.  It went against the laws of nature or something.

Welcoming the distraction, Phillip killed the engine and jumped out of the Porsche, the keys still jammed in the ignition.  He crossed the street in a few jogging steps, coming up on Poe before the other man knew he was there.

“Poe-fucking-Dameron!” Phillip said by way of the greeting.  Poe swung around, an instant of confusion clouding his expression before recognition broke through.

“Hol-y shit.  Phillip Altman!” Poe said, flashing him the grin that earned him the “Best Smile” yearbook honorarium his senior year.  “Jesus, I haven’t seen you in an age.  How have you been?  Do you still live in the area?”

Phillip shrugged a shoulder, trying to play it cool, as though they were still in high school and Poe was still the coolest kid on campus.  “It’s going.  I’m only in town because my dad just died.”

Poe’s face fell.  “Oh man, I’m sorry to hear that.  How are you holding up?”

Another shrug from Phillip, although this one was stiffer due to the sudden tightness in his chest.  “As best as I can, I guess.  He was sick for a while, so it’s not like it came as a shock or anything.  We have to sit shiva, though.  We’re only on day three and I already feel like I’m losing my mind.”

“That’s rough,” Poe sympathized, and just like that the conversation went stagnant.

“So,” Phillip said after an awkward pause.  “I see the Beast is still in commission.  I was sure you’d have it put out of its misery by now.”

Poe stumbled backwards in faux shock, pressing a hand over his heart.  “Get rid of the Beast?  I would never!  Sure she was a little rough around the edges, but she has yet to let me down.”

“It looks good now,” Phillip said appraisingly.

“Doesn’t she?” Poe asked as he ran a hand over the car’s roof.  “This is how I always hoped she’d look someday, but I never had the time or money to put into it.  A couple of friends fixed her up for me as a welcome home present when I got out of the Air Force a few years ago.”

Phillip saw a window of opportunity open, and he immediately jumped to take it.  “Do you still see anyone from high school around?”

Poe tipped his head back, thinking.  “Occasionally.  It seems like more and more people have been trickling back to the area, like they’re realizing the real world isn’t all it’s cracked up to be and are coming home to collect their bearings.  I’m sure a good number of them will end up staying for good, even though we all swore up and down that would never happen.  Didn’t think I’d ever end up back here myself, too much of a big world out there, you know?  But I ended coming back for someone, and I haven’t regretted it since.”

“I...uh... was out with my family last night, and I saw Rey Jakken.  Do you...know when she got back?”

There was an instant change in Poe’s whole demeanor.  His smile vanished into a hard line as his open expression took on newer, sharper angles.  It wasn’t a look of anger, so much, but it was a look Phillip was extremely familiar with; Wendy used to use it all the time, especially when she heard someone talking crap about her family.  It was a look that said “tread carefully, because the next words out of your mouth could lead to an ass-kicking.”

“Listen, Phil…” Poe said slowly, evenly.  “I don’t know what happened between you two in high school, and I’m sure you’re trying to mean well now, but I’m just going to say this once: leave her be.  She’s been through a lot and is only just getting back on her feet.  If she wants to reconnect with you, that’s her call.  Just leave it at that.  All right?”

Phillip scratched the back of his neck and averted his eye, his ears burning.  While Rey’s avoidance of him the other day made it clear that she didn’t want to have anything to do with him, it hurt just a little more hearing it come from someone else.

Poe’s expression softened again.  “I’m sorry, Phil.  I don’t mean to come off as an asshole, but she’s my boyfriend’s best friend, and so we’re just trying looking out for her.  And yes, you heard right, the rumors from high school about me being gay are actually true.”

“Oh… I didn’t mean…”

Poe shrugged again.  “I know you didn’t.  Hey, I need to get going.  It was good seeing you, though.  And sorry again about your dad.  I’m sure Finn will give his condolences as well.”

Poe disappeared into a store, and Phillip slunk back to his car.  Thoughts of Rey whirled in his mind as though they were caught in a tornado that was inside his head.  What did Poe mean by “she’d been through a lot?”  Had she been addicted to drugs?  Alcohol?  Had she been homeless after she ran away?  During high school she got busted a few times for shoplifting, but it was always for things she needed that Plutt wouldn’t provide for her, like tampons or new socks, but could she have spent time in jail for something more serious?  She looked good when he saw her yesterday, both in her sun dress and later in her street clothes, but he knew that didn’t mean jack.  Things like nice clothing, a fancy house or an expensive car were always the easiest ways to cover up just how fucked up someone really was.  Just look at his family.

Phillip scratched at his arm.  He felt like his skin was crawling from the inside.  He needed a release, and bad.  His first thought was to get a drink somewhere, but his tenderized stomach rolled at the thought.  He had a stash of weed he brought with him back at the house, but he didn’t want to risk smoking it with his mother, Paul and Tracy just waiting for another chance to eviscerate him for being an irresponsible degenerate during shiva.  His only other option was to get laid.  That was out of the question with Tracy - he knew that she would leave him blue balling for at least a week, and that was if she was especially forgiving - but Chelsea’s condo was only a few blocks from here… And she had outright said that he needed to do something fun to help him with all the grieving…

Then Rey’s face materialized at the forefront of his thoughts, her expression blank but her eyes a kaleidoscope of hurt and resentment, watching him from the end of a long, locker-lined hallway.

Phillip smacked his open palm of his hand against the steering wheel of his car, the sting helping clear his head a little bit.   _ Damn her.  Damn her for just waltzing back into his life like this.  Damn her for being so tragic and growing up to be so beautiful.  Damn her for being able to make him him acknowledge what an awful person he really was. _

Knowing that there was no way he could get it up now even if he did make it to Chelsea’s, Phillip turned the key in the ignition, the Porsche’s engine a small, tinny sound compared to the deep-throated growl of The Beast.  He swung the car around in a sloppy u-turn, the front tire striking the opposite curb as he did so, and sped off back to the ice-rink, not giving a single flying fuck about the enraged brother he was sure to find there.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for any slut-shaming vibes that I might be giving off in this chapter. It won't be like that for long.
> 
> In the book, Phillip's constantly quoting movies quotes and song lyrics, so that will be fun.
> 
> Knob's End is the court the Altmans live on, and Elmsbrook is their hometown. I can't remember if this is addressed in the movie.
> 
> All chapters are named after songs from the playlist I've made to accompany this story, and may or may not have anything to do with the actual chapter content. "Fire and Regeneration" is by Wendy & Lisa from the _Heroes_ soundtrack (again, another good 2000s throwback. Don't ask).


End file.
